have you ever wanted to feel like you wanted to evaporate and just vanish for a while...it's an odd feeling, depressing to a point, but that's me right now. i'm not sure where i'm supposed to be going, or what i'm supposed to be doing, or whether or not there is a true path laid out for me right now. maybe i'm suppose to follow that little "bit of advice" you hear so often about carving your own path. who knows for sure. right now, all i know is that no where i've gone lately feels like a place i should be. i want to find the place where i know i'm supposed to be. a home. yes i do have a house to come home to at night, but something is constantly missing. and i'm looking to fill that void. not only in the relationship sense, but there is something else there too that needs to be fixed. i'm just not sure what it is yet. i'm thinking, if i'm able to just disappear, for one day even, maybe i could figure it out. anyone have any ideas? i'm open for anything.

so, not much going on this past month. just working and what not. started dating someone...well, sort of. he's an older guy, and we've only been out once, but i think we will be going out again sometime soon.  it's a complicated thing though cause i like someone else too, so i guess i just have to figure out exactly what would be the best way to go at this point. basically, the other guy i like have more in common, as far as i know, but for whatever reason, i have gotten to where i am done with the whole dating around thing and i'm ready to settle down. i'm sure my parents think it's weird since i'm only 23 (or, i will be come sunday). people my age should be happy to be single and partying it up, or so it seems. but oh well, just another reason i dont' conform to the typical college student stereotype. the truth is, i want to have a family soon. i know i shouldn't try to plan ahead, because i just get disappointed when my plans fail, but i can't help it. i want to have a big family and i really would like to be settled down and have started that family within the next two years. i guess i will just have to see though. there are several obstacles in the way of me and the older guy, but i'll update on the progress of that going on. as for the other guy, i guess until me and first define what is exactly going on, i can keep things open to whatever happens....

  well, i got casey back yesterday. my dad brought him back from piedmont on the trailer cause i couldn't put him in my sisters car(i will explain why i'm driving that in a minute). anyways, i had to give casey a bath cause he stank first of all and second off, his ears had so many damn flea eggs they were bleeding. i know he didn't have them when i took him to piedmont a week ago. so i doctored him up and he seems to be alright. my new roommate brought her dog back from arkansas. foxy(the dog) and casey don't so much get along yet, but i think in a few days they will. casey is gonna get the tar beat out of him though cause foxy don't put up with any shit.

the reason i'm drivin my sisters car is cause some dumbass backed into my car last week so mine is in the shop. and now, he's not cooperating and i'm having to file police reports to get him to even contact us. his insurance company is apparently pissed off at him about it all to, but we'll see how that goes i guess.

other than that, not much going on. i leave for florida in a week. i will be glad to get away for a few days. i like stillwater, but i need out for a while. well, my oven timer just went off so i better go get my lunch.